so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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