I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
