I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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