I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
