Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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