we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
