Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
