Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
