I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize