hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
