So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize