9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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