kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize