i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
