Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
