go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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