We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
