I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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