Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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