I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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