i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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