I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
