Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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