community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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