do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
