yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
