Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
