this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
