Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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