Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
