I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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