worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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