i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So vagazzling was a success
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
