I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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