:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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