I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
