Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
