you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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