She went from zero to smokin in five shots
time to smoke my breakfast
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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