dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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