ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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