I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
True strength comes from lack of pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
