just come out here and I will go home with you...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize