So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
