UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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