I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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