I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
