I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My vagina just recognized that song.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
