Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize