I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
