dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh god the rape fog is back!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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