dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
