You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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