I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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