Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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