i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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