FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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