are you still at the devil's house?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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