conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
