when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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