Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
