yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
