I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
