Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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