Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
not ubering you a puppy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
