quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
