Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
