based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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