It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
