i don't like sucking hair
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
