I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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