Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
